I get vaguely nauseous every time I think about retiring. I have friends and hobbies, but WORK… work has been my identity for so long. I fought to become a writer (my friend Maddy would say I fought about everything), and now I am a writer. I worked hard to transform myself into this creature called a writer and it's the part of me I like best. Certainly it is the aspect of my identity that brings me confidence - mothering was humbling and being a wife was eh. I willingly (some say 'eagerly') retired 'wife', and I'm willing to retire grouch, but Who Am I if I give up Writer?
Some jobs never end. My kids are launched, for the most part, and I miss them, but I’m still a mother - something I write about a lot - albeit a mother of grown-ups. Is it the same with careers? If I retire, is it kosher to tell people I’m a writer or do I have to say I’m a retired writer, writer emeritus, washed-up writer, or worst of all, I'm nothing? This seems to matter to me.
I pretend my friend Matty is here. She would ask, “What are you afraid of in retirement?” My truthful answer is “everything - I’m afraid of life without a schedule, I’m afraid I’ll start telling everyone I see, including people in the checkout line, about my acid reflux, I’m afraid I’ll start calling (excuse me, texting) my kids constantly and they will scold me. Most of all I’m afraid of being useless, unproductive and bored."
Recently, a friend repeated a conversation she had with her 101 year old mother-in-law. The older woman complained, “I’m useless. Why am I still here?”
And my friend answered, “Your usefulness is to love us. We all need you to keep loving us as long as you can.” They both seemed pleased with that solution. I honestly don't believe that's enough for me. It doesn't make me feel better. I'd like to hear your solution to retirement. I could just drop dead on the job. That's a solution no one writes about, It would be a very brief blog post without how-to-do-it steps.
In March, 2025, Not The Trip We Planned will be published by Koehler. For better or worse, I am featured in the novel. I wonder if I'm retired in the novel - OR maybe I won the Man Booker.
My friend raises guide dogs who assist blind people. Her most recent dog grew up and went through all the training, and then was rejected because his personality did not mesh well with always being a patient, attentive companion. However, instead of proclaiming that the dog had to "retire," the training organization presented him (and his disappointed human) a handsome collar that stated, "I am a career-change dog." Seems to me we don't need to use the word "retire," but can instead focus on the idea that we are changing our trajectories. The French have a saying using a form of that nasty word, "retire," which roughly translates to "step back the better to leap forward."
Chickie, you don' have to "give up Writer"--in fact I am quite sure you won't and will die a writer--maybe right there at a desk or mid-blog.. Just don't do it yet. I need you around being cranky so I can annoy you by being, as one of my interns once said, "a pathological optimist".
Retirement just means you no longer get a check deposited in your bank account. I agree that financial concerns can be real and it makes sense to feel fear if you are being forced to retire--but it doesn't mean you have to let go of your identity or sense of professional self--unless you want to do that. Some folks do want to try o…
I think you can retire from what you want to retire from..
And not retire from what you don't want to retire from. You can do it all your way..no rules
Truths spoken here