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This post is from Maddy. (it's her first)
Chickie accused me, early in our friendship, of being a perpetual Girl Scout, but she quit the Camp Fire Girls after 2 weeks, so she never got to experience the thrill I did learning First Aid. I loved learning “what to do FIRST”.
Clothes on fire? Stop,. Drop and Roll
Accident? Airway, Breathing, Circulation,
But, is there an established triage rule for “self-care” crisis? (Editorial note—I am all in with Chickie’s loathing of the term; it is overused and mis-used, but I do hyphenate.) Everyone faces crises where genuine care is needed.
Real self-care requires reaching for what you need most right now to restore your equilibrium–physically or psychologically. And it won’t require a lot of money or travel.
Here are the key terms to memorize:
Body First: What do you need physically? Hydration? Nutrition? Sleep–or maybe just rest? Rest is a genuine break in activity, even if you can’t leave the room. If you can leave, get outside. Either way, start with the simplest thing to help your physical self. Even 5 minutes can make a difference.
Habit can lead us to reach for what is a familiar distraction that has been a reliable way to change a mood–chocolate (my reflexive choice), wine (or your substance of choice), sex, shopping. And these all keep the economy and social media humming so are socially reinforced.
Real, effective care starts with paying attention to qualities of mood in the moment and asking, “What do I need most that is accessible right now” and what is nearby?
Usually, we crave something valuable we can’t buy or find online: reassurance about our work or that we matter, attention or practical help from another human.
If we are lucky or brave, we have or are willing to reach out to find resources that meet that specific need. Real care will always result in feeling less alone. Of course, when we are most in need, perspective is usually hard to come by. Often we are cycling or re-cycling a negative conversation, an anxious thought.
That is why a friend can be the best go-to for defining what genuine care is for your “self”. When they know you well, they will have useful suggestions because they are not in the middle of your specific stressors, even if you have some in common.
Sisyphus just kept climbing back up that hill. If he’d called a friend, other options might have been proposed. And we often need a friend to see what we don’t see about our need and potential solutions. But we have to be willing to admit we need help.
Real care means giving your brain a break from self-doubt and self-criticism.
So, my triage rules are:
Stop, Drop, and Let Go of Self-Judgement.
The second is “Don’t be Afraid to Ask for Help”
Chickie never likes my rules, but she asked and she loves me in spite of it.
Not The Trip We Planned will be out in March. Judging from the title, we might need our own self-care. I don't like change, and I hope Chickie behaves. The book is available for pre-order at
Bookshop.org: https://bookshop.org/p/books/not-the-trip-we-planned-linda-n-edelstein/22155734 (indie bookshops)
https://www.amazon.com/Not-Trip-Planned-Linda-Edelstein/dp/B0DQYCKFFS/
The novel was recently endorsed by Deborah Shouse, author of An Old Woman Walks Into a Bar. Check her out at DeborahShouseWrites.com and Myinfo@pobox.com
Deborah says, "Meet two vibrant, tenacious women “of a certain age.” These good friends are thrust into an unplanned good-Samaritan adventure.... Written with warmth and sprinkled with humor, the pacing of the tale is engaging, the plot twists add just the right spark of surprise, and our heroes are so gritty, witty, and distinct that we want to read more."
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