My Personal Trauma With Zucchini-A Warning To You All

I decided to plant some vegetables in my backyard. There is plenty of sun to nourish the plants and an abundance of deer to devour them. It’s all ecologically harmonious. Well, the bunnies or deer, or both, or hyaenas, I don’t know, ate almost everything but the zucchini and tomatoes. Tomatoes are a subject for another day.

Both my children hate zucchini. I’m neutral (let’s face it, zucchini is an indifferent sort of veggie) but my neighbor gave me two extra plants, so, waste not, want not. Geez, they grow and produce overnight. It’s like my chin hairs – nothing in the morning, abundance by evening.

I’m sure this gardening kick started because my backyard at home in N.J. was asphalt. In the summer it melted, and my shoes stuck to the black goo. We went to the local A & P and bought canned vegetables. So, you can imagine my surprise when I learned that these products could be grown. In my defense, I realized this fact some time ago. But this year, I traded a husband for a garden. I win!!

What zucchini lack in flavor, they make up for in energy. Some people are like that. Anyway, the plants flourished and produced vegetables. I grilled the first zucchini, sautéed the next, made soup, and gave some away. It became disturbing. They kept appearing. I’m too sophisticated to imply that I was being stalked by zucchini, but…

Finally, I called my friend Maddy, my touchstone. She suggested a casserole and said that her zucchini casserole was a hit when she shlepped it around (where does one bring a zucchini casserole, funerals?). She sent the recipe, but I didn’t have all the ingredients, so I added and subtracted, mostly subtracted because I was too lazy to go to Trader Joe’s.

Here's a photo of my casserole. My version turned out to be old people food!!!!! It’s mushy and tasteless, and vaguely green and everything I associate with my future in ‘the home’. I’m starting to think that, in my brain, all roads lead to ‘Home’