I’m keeping my old friendships; it’s not like I’m trading up. Remember, “Make new friends but keep the old; one is silver and the other is gold”. I’ve always assumed old friends are the golden ones, but who knows. Anyway, I digress.
I need some new ones. My present golden friends are baby-sitting grandchildren, traveling, and then there’s all that time they spend having hip replacements, cataract surgery and shlepping their husbands to the E.R., so I think I will try to make new friends. Making friends in later life is very different than previous friend-development. Long long ago, it was in school where we were forced into each other's company and some of it stuck. Then work. There was that intermittent wife or girlfriend of my boyfriend or husband's guy friend - good for learning politeness. After that, it was because my kid liked their kid, or just because they live nearby. All of these different ways to make friends seemed natural. And easy.
These days, I find that making new friends is strange and awkward, like learning a new skill that I ought to have mastered ages ago. It’s like dating. Can you find friends online? And, by nature, I’m not all that social. How many writers are social? Probably not many. So I did my research- that is something at which I am skilled.
You may have been reading this blog for months without learning anything, BUT today, I have real data. Here are some terrific strategies for making friends as we age.
1. Learn something new - a class for pottery (I love my drawing class), gardening, a course in languages, pickleball. Classes breed community because everyone is doing the same activity. There is no guarantee of depth, but it is fun and provides connection.
2. Join a club - politics, tutoring, collecting snow globes. The enthusiasm is shared and it certainly is informative.
3. Reach out and reconnect with old friends - the internet makes it easy. Do not stalk them. I hear lots of stories about picking up with a boyfriend from long ago. I guess it feels safe. I can think of one I might ..... never mind.
4. Take advantage of common spaces like the library, public gardens, long walks to have conversation; nothing fancy. Sit outside to read or have a cup of tea. Seeing people repeatedly encourages conversation.
5. Set a goal - decide to say hello to 5 people, chat in elevators, speak to a stranger. This doesn’t qualify as friendship, but in our strange world, small exchanges can be satisfying.
6. Host and attend parties - Have a bar-b- que, cocktail hour, or if you really like to cook, host a dinner party. Remember when we all had dinner parties and didn’t always meet in restaurants? Invite people you want to know better. Consider having your friends bring friends. And say yes - accept invitations.
7. Don’t forget the Senior Center - join the Y, the senior center, or consider moving to a retirement community. These are all people at your stage of life.
I pilfered these ideas from Daystarseattle.com but I like them, although the super social ones are unlikely.
Not The Trip We Planned was published by Koehler last week. For better or worse, I am featured in the novel. Buy a dozen at Amazon, B&N or your local bookstore. The NorthwesternDaily.com just published a piece on the authors.
I saw a sign this week THINK... WHILE IT'S STILL LEGAL
All excellent ideas, Chickie--though one of my favorites, #3 I would advise not, as you so wisely sense, go for that old boyfriend--at least if it is that one who is STILL wearing a goatee. At least start with girlfriends who stayed local who can give you the lowdown on him now.
Now that I'm thinking I might move back to Chicago from Minneapolis the "how do I find new friends at my age?" question does cross my mind. But don't breathe a word of it to my "boys" in Chicago yet; they will credit their campaign versus my getting bolder with age.
When I broached the subject with friends here they had many reasons I should stay rooted in…