I have a God Forbid Book tucked away in my bookcase. You can see the photo here. The name connotes something fancy, or at least spiritual. It isn’t. It’s a plastic, purple 3 ring binder. I call it the God Forbid Book, or GFB, because if anything happens to me, God Forbid, this is where Sam and Steph can find my passwords, financial accounts, property tax ID, and all that sort of thing. To be transparent, I did not coin this perfect name, so thank you, Liz. But now, everything is in one place. The GFB gives me peace of mind - this is not true for my children.
I’ve had my GFB for about 10 years and I feel good about it. Once a year, I make my daughter Steph sit down and go over the basics. I tried to get Sam to do it since he lives nearby, but he just bolts from the room, looking vaguely ill. That behavior is very much like Sam. Long ago, he decided that I will never get sick or die. Never, not going to happen. I’m sure this has something to do with having his father die before Sam turned two, but it’s not healthy. I’ll have to ask Maddy about this - she’s a retired social worker, but they never really retire. They just stop getting paid for dishing out psychological tidbits.
Anyway, I sit down with Steph - she has a remarkably practical streak - and explain the different categories, such as doctors' names, passwords to health records, bank accounts, my will, investments, and whatever else I've begun to obsess about, like my A1C. My daughter sits stony-faced. I have no idea what she is thinking, and I don't ask because I really don't want to know. She and her brother will need this information some day. I'm trying to make it easy for them, but I suspect that all I'm doing (in their view) is rubbing their noses in the fact that I will die some day. That's the real issue - I keep trying to solve and organize all these smaller problems, but the one I can't fix, can't prepare them for, is how how much they will hurt when they have to open this book for real.
Watch for Not The Trip We Planned, coming out in March, 2025. Then, I'll be immortal, not that either child will probably read the book.
Yours is a difficult but so important topic to cover. You are right that we can’t help them through the day and the days after that day when they open the GFB, but it will make it a little bit easier— I know because my sister and I were helped by our parents— it works. Thanks for this, but if I may add one GF suggestion, awful as it sounds, put the GFB in a fireproof, flood proof case— God forbid you have to ever recreate it.
Looking forward so much to your and Maddy’s book!