The Power of "Nice": Pros & Cons

You're in luck: Today we have a post from Maddy. Listen up!

Perhaps I was born agreeable or just learned early that it was a valuable stance in life. There is such a thing as biological temperament, and I have always been absurdly “sunny” and habitually friendly.  These traits annoy my long-time best friend Chickie no end since she prefers the other end of the temperament continuum. 

Chickie had dark hair and eyes and would stand on the dark side if given a choice in Spy vs. Spy (there’s a reference that will clock your age cohort). Chickie sees the advantages of pessimism and the dark side of human nature sooner than I do and braces for it.  She is, in fact, a fierce advocate for the good and will fight fiercely toward it, but being Nice has never been a badge she wanted to wear.

I was born blonde which darkened slowly, and I was definitely raised to be Nice and Good. (There is a significant distinction; don’t confuse them.). Between Girl Scouts and American Girl Magazine, I definitely aspired to be “liked” and autograph books (another reference to ancient times) plus my school year’s annuals provide evidence of having been tediously sweet and nice. The pros of my good-girl socialization are a set of skills that made me able to manage well in the politics of large bureaucratic organizations and roll sturdily through all kinds of weird situations in my social work career. I learned to use “Nice” as a strategy, the power of “charm offensive” for leverage, and to occasionally use the surprise of suddenly being fierce as a lever. Chickie would have gotten a kick out of those moments if she’d been in the room. 

But still, habitual “niceness” has held me back and made me timid in ways that I’d like to outgrow before I die. And there’s still time! Learning to transcend some life-long habits and reach outside our temperamental zone is important.  There are times when anger at inequities or insults need fierceness. Now might be one of those times.

If we stretch our bodies to be able to tie our shoes, then stretching outside Nice to have some leverage for justice has proved very satisfying for me. I recommend it 😊. Chickie cheers me on.  

You can read about our joint action for justice in Not the Trip We Planned (Koehler Books, 2025), available on Bookshop.org, Amazon, and maybe your local library.  (If they don’t have it, ask them to get it. Don’t be afraid to be fierce, just remember to say Thank You.  Librarians deal with SO much these days that a book request is simple by comparison).