Midlife vs. Later Life

This is a 2-part post, at least…. Part 2 will appear next Tuesday.

In the 1980s, midlife was a very popular topic, with special attention to the idea of a midlife crisis, a male midlife crisis to be precise. From the literature, it seemed that mostly men were in crisis, causing a shortage of small, red sports cars and mistresses. Fear not, both shortfalls were resolved - the supply chain never faltered.

As usual, women were too busy to have midlife crises. You need time for lamenting “is this all there is?” when it is already too much. Balancing the demands of today slowed down the moaning for a self-actualized tomorrow. At the peak of midlife crisis hysteria, the most famous book was probably Daniel Levinson’s, “Seasons of a Man’s Life”. I met him once. Eh. He never bothered to write about women’s midlife. I always thought that if he got around to it, he would have called it “Seasons of a Man’s Wife”, but that’s a different gripe.

What is midlife for women? I read one book about women, “The Art of Midlife” by a psychologist, Linda Edelstein (I hear she is a lovely person). The basic premise seemed to be, “I’ve reached my 40s or 50s. I'm very good at taking care of others, but I'm a bit lost.” The women were looking for a course correction - maybe a few wanted a mistress and/or a sports car, but most wanted a quiet afternoon. At this point, you might want to search YouTube for a video of Helen Ready singing “It’s my turn.” It still gives me goosebumps.

The women who were interviewed by Edelstein (did I say she's a lovely person?), talked about making big changes in their lives because they were facing a NOT-ENDLESS future – people aren’t really facing mortality in the 40s and 50s. It's rarely a death thing. They are facing the inescapable fact that there may be more time behind them than in front of them. They are getting older, and they have become aware of paths not taken. Maybe it ought to be called ‘Midlife Panic’, or ‘Midlife Correction’, or ‘I’m Desperately Bored: How The Hell Did I Get Here?’ Now that I am old and really facing mortality, I’m less sympathetic.

Come back next Tuesday for 'Later Life' or, more aptly titled, ‘Now, no kidding, you really are facing your mortality’. I'll try to find a title that's more SEO friendly.

Not The Trip We Planned has a firm publication date, March 4, 2025. The cover designer has promised some samples designs very soon, and then they plan a 'cover poll' where you all get to vote for the design of your choice. Please don't vote for any cover that makes me look fat.